Monday, September 22, 2014

Pregancy Week by Week: Weeks 5, 6, and 7

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Pregnancy Week by Week: Weeks 2, 3, 4

Several people have asked me if I was going to document this pregnancy as I did for Little Fix-It. While I knew I wanted to do something a little different, I wasn't sure exactly what that meant. After the miscarriage in March, I felt very reluctant to take weekly bump photos. In fact, I had a lot of anxiety during the first trimester. My OB, who I've mentioned loving a million times, offered to see me biweekly as she knows pregnancy after loss can be especially difficult. Even still, I bad stomach ache had me on the brink of tears not knowing if it was in fact a stomach ache or a miscarriage. So, in truth, I spent a bit of time actively not getting attached. Before every test, every ultrasound, every appointment, I was physically ill. Maybe it was a hint of morning sickness, but really, my nerves were shot.

Lucky for us, at every turn, things looked perfect. My beta numbers were off the charts. (For those of you that know HCG Betas: 1,441 at 12dp5dt. 3,151 at 14dp5dt. 7,000+ at 15dp5dt.) We heard heartbeats at 5 weeks, both above 100. The babies and their gestational sacs measured as they should, if not a day or two ahead. Everything was completely different than it had been a few months before. Even with all that reassurance, I was still scared.

The answer about documenting this pregnancy became "Eventually. Life is so crazy with selling our condo and trying to move!" It was true. But I also felt superstitious. 8 weeks became 12. Then 12 became 15. Time started to disappear.

So here I sit at 19 weeks, with a ever-growing bump. And two babies on the way. And a realization: I've been documenting this pregnancy all along. I wanted to do something different. I'll catch you up 3 weeks at a time!

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Adrift // At Home

It's been nearly a month since we packed up a moving truck with our life's belongings and moved from Chicago to Rhode Island. It's exciting, undoubtedly a new adventure, and also very emotional.

For me, Chicago was where I grew up. Not where I was raised, but the place I went from being an 18 year old college student to an adult. It's where I found myself. I learned independence there. How to make real decisions. It's where I discovered that idiot boyfriends are just that, and if you have to you can pack up your car, sublet your apartment on craigslist, and drive far, far away. Or you can meet the man you are going to marry and start a life together. It was the place that I bought my first car. And learn that even if your parents aren't paying for it they can still be very, very, very mad that you sold a perfectly good car. It was where I had a few different jobs, but spent most of my time in school. Northwestern always called me back. That campus is good for my soul. I certainly made some mistakes. And I grew.

Moving "back home" is simply weird. There are things I am so excited to experience. And there are pieces that give me deep anxiety. Raising our children near my family means the world to me. This time, this phase, this transition is so full of unknowns. It has so much potential to be amazing. But right now I feel adrift. Last night was our second night in our new home. We have moving boxes everywhere. I know that feeling settled is going to take some time.

We officially closed on our new house a week ago. Mr. Fix-It has taken to calling it a shithole. We have to laugh because a 1910 house in New England is a very different thing than a 10 year old condo in the city. Drywall vs. plaster. Character vs. cookie cutter. Old creaky floors vs. shiny and new. Chipped paint. Iffy patch jobs. Dents, dings, wear and tear. We will have a great time making it our own. And probably suffer a few headaches along the way. Ultimately it's our next chapter. It's the first home our twins will know. Likely the first home Little Fix-It will remember. It's where we will become a family of 5. It's where that school bus that stops on the corner will pick up our kids and bring them to school. If Chicago is where we began as a couple, this is where we will truly begin as a family.